I've been thinking a lot about incentive for me to work so hard at saving my own life - yes, I started the fat free vegan lifestyle a little over a month ago to stop the heart and artery disease in its steps but there are so many other things that I need to keep working toward correcting such as:
- Diabetes
- High blood pressure
- High cholesterol
- IBS
- Lung mass
- Fatigue
- Dry skin
- Arthritis
- Shoulder tendinitis
- Achiness
- Depression
- Sleeplessness (intermittent)
- Overweight
- Hair loss
- Lack of concentration/focus
- Bipolar tendencies
My diabetes, high blood pressure and high cholesterol are under control with medication but I need to get healthy to the point where I'm not taking any prescriptive medication to survive. Medication actually causes a lot of problems the longer you take them. For example, Metformin (Glucaphage) for blood sugar can cause gastrointestinal issues such as IBS and ulcers. For a list of other potential issues, visit:
Back to the topic of incentives - I realized today that I'm not just saving my life for me to live it - I'm saving my life so that I can continue to be a part of other people's lives. Some reading this would say 'No Duh' but after being depressed and sick for a few years nothing is obvious when it comes to finding the will to take strong action toward saving my life.
Today I reconnected with a friend from elementary and junior high school through Facebook - Sue McCormick (now Palmer). It's so strange to hear from people who were part of your every day life when you were so young but thanks to online social networks I hear from people in my past at least every couple of weeks. I feel sad that I'm in such a bad place right now - I kind of feel that I'm shipwrecked on an island - 'Bad Childhood/Made Bad Decisions My Whole Life To Avoid Pain Only to Cause More Pain/Trying to Figure Out The Next Chapter/Saving My Life In Spite of Myself' Island, that is. Who wants to reconnect with someone who is 47 and has more recently discovered my whole way of coping has brought me so much pain? I just don't want to connect or reconnect with anyone at this point in my life - I can't take any more pain than I have in the past few years at Google, my family, my friends and my health.
It's odd that the incentive to continue saving my life is other people because I'm in a place where I don't feel like playing games or being the perfect friend to those that don't reciprocate or being around people who aren't there for me when I need help even though I've gone way out of my way to help them - but that is the incentive.
One of my reconnections is with a dear friend, Waleed. We've known each other for about 15 years through his father and we've talked about how we really feel about life - a lot about his life since he is about 15 years younger than I am. He is so precious and so loving - I've never known a more loyal friend. I remember all the phone calls we've had over the years and how I looked forward to the events in his life even though I was never present at them. The last big event in his life was his marriage in July of this year - my health was too bad to travel to Cairo where the wedding was being held. His father was upset with me because I wasn't able to attend (that upset me tremendously) but Waleed didn't hold it against me. He has such a huge heart and he was genuinely concerned about my health even though no one else around me was. My incentive to stay alive and be healthy is to continue to be in his life - to be that ear for him when he needs to make sense of his new life and to be there when he has his first child. So, incentive complicates things but in the end will help save me.
FOOD
I'm loving my food these days - it's so much easier to eat than it was a few weeks back. I am still addicted to the cucumber and carrot sushi rolls and I've had them at other sushi places around the county such as Niban on Clairemont Mesa (Souplantation center) and SanSai Japanese Bistro in Mission Valley (Food For Less center). At SanSai you order the 'vegetable' roll and state that you only want cucumber in it - you get 10 big pieces that taste amazing. You also get a side salad but you need to order it without dressing or nuts, if they're included. My favorite is sumi salad but I have to order it without the almond slices and dressing. I add soy sauce and that is the perfect dressing.
One issue I'm having is going to restaurants with salads thinking that they'll make it easy to order but that's not true. In most cases I have to order a plain salad making sure there are no nuts and eat it without dressing. My mother suggested that I bring my own FF dressing with me on the days we spend together so I can enjoy my salads. None of the salads I've had at restaurants, with the exception of Souplantation, have had tasty enough salads to enjoy without dressing so I may need to take my mother's advice.
Regarding Souplantation - I went there again on Saturday night. I was so looking forward to using their FF honey dijon dressing but was very disappointed to find out (after talking to a manager because no one who works there or stocks the dressings knew the answer...) that they rotate that dressing with other full fat ones - ugh! They also only occasionally offer a freshly made FF salsa at the potato bar - another huge disappointment since all of their other toppings with flavor have full fat. Another disappointment is not providing a FF/dairy free soup though they do offer a vegetarian chili but can't tell me if oil was used to saute onions and garlic - they simply do not provide that level of information though they do provide the main list of ingredients.
The manager I spoke to at Souplantation suggested I write to their corporate office online suggesting permanent offerings for fat free and vegan patrons so I did. The suggestions I made were:
- Fat free vegan soup - ex., vegetarian chili without oil
- Fat free condiments - ex., World Harbors' sauces
- Fat free salsa
- More fruit options (currently only providing 2 at a time)
- More FF/dairy free salad dressing options (currently have FF Italian and FF Ranch - contains milk/whey)
- Fat free prepared salad - ex., green beans with tomatoes, onions and garlic
We'll see if I get a response but I suspect that they are looking for ways to cut back rather than how to accommodate more people.
What I ate today:
- Green apple
- Pretzel sticks
- FF Fried 'Bologna' Sandwich (see recipe link on sidebar)
- Cucumber rolls
- Carrot roll
- Soy cappuccino
- Bubbies
- Red grapefruit
- FF Asian Rice (see recipe link on sidebar)
- Ben & Jerry's FF 'Berried Treasure' sorbet (this is amazing!)
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